I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize
