So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
