Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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