i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
