I just saw a hot homeless man
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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