: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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