I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
