tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
