You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
