He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
