My hand turned me down
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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