I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
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