I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
