She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
