He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I need to calm my uterus...
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
