you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
