I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize