So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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