I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
What a dumb baby whore.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
