i don't plan on having that self control this summer
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
