Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
