my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
