every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
