Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
