The maid of honor just puked.
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
