Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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