i may or may not be watching the land before time
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize