OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
