2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We don't watch enough power rangers
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
