I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
