know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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