Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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