i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Randomize
