Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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