youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
