break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize