u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize