So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
