Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
