if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
