You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
