Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
