After last night, I could never be a politician.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize