Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
