Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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