What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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