Just mADE A PArabola og urine
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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