She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
