i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
