How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
