Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
so much tequila, so little girl.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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