roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
zippers are such a cool invention
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
