I look better un-naked...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
