found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
