she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
