I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
