Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
