Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
