I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
