Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize