How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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