I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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