Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Boobs speak an international language.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
