just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
