I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
