my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
