So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
