My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
