you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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