Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Pooping to opera.
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