maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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