You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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