i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
