why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize