Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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